(no subject)

"It will puzzle you when I tell you that I thought Justine great, in a sort of way. There are forms of greatness, you know, which when not applied in art or religion make havoc of ordinary life. Her gift was misapplied in being directed toward love. Certainly she was bad in many ways, but they were all small ways. Nor can I say that she harmed nobody. But those she harmed most she made fruitful. She expelled people from their old selves. It was bound to hurt, and many mistook the nature of the pain she inflicted. Not I.' And smiling his well-known smile, in which sweetness was mixed with an an inexpressible bitterness, he repeated softly under his breath the words: 'Not I.'

from 'Justine', Lawrence Durrell

it's very very good for me to read fiction... some people become better with small doses of reality, but me, i stagnate. why-ever do i let myself drown in everydayness when lawrence durrell is here to cure all ills?

i've lost my cat, literally... misplaced her. i'm afraid she's been eaten by an eagle.

(no subject)

if i were brave, i would write the poem called 'the poor bastard who doesn't know me'
and if he was brave he would read it and open his heart like a lotus flower.

(no subject)

i carry your heart with me

i carry your heart with me(i carry it in
my heart)i am never without it(anywhere
i go you go,my dear; and whatever is done
by only me is your doing,my darling)
i fear
no fate(for you are my fate,my sweet)i want
no world(for beautiful you are my world,my true)
and it's you are whatever a moon has always meant
and whatever a sun will always sing is you

here is the deepest secret nobody knows
(here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud
and the sky of the sky of a tree called life;which grows
higher than the soul can hope or mind can hide)
and this is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart

i carry your heart(i carry it in my heart)

ee cummings
sleepy all over

(no subject)

i wonder if a book can cure me of inhibition? i am always inhibited. i am almost 30 and still inhibited, and tired. it's possible that inhibition hurts others as much as it causes me aggravation.

i feel very strongly about not writing bad prose at this moment in time. i am just so grateful to have a job. there are things i want to say but can't seem to expel.

i may create a new journal soon, i feel a bit waterlogged. i'll let you know when this happens.